Testimonial Tuesday: Accepted to NYU Stern as a transfer

Angel had a unique situation. She was applying as an internal transfer to NYU Stern from NYU CAS (College of Arts and Sciences), which is notoriously difficult to accomplish. We knew she needed a standout transfer essay to explain why this major switch was necessary.

The challenging essay prompt included three mini-questions totaling 900 words, so it was no wonder the revision took seven edits to get right. We focused on showing not telling with concrete details, thorough explanations, and numerous examples - no easy task! The biggest challenge was answering the three-prompt question in a way that was well-rounded rather than fragmented. She needed to tell a cohesive story about how she became a leader creating a social impact and how her global background would make her a great addition to Stern. We spent time explaining her change in major without being negative about her current college to keep the tone proactive and positive.

We also focused on bringing her writing to sharper focus by cutting any extraneous words or lines that didn’t aid the overall momentum. And we spent a lot of time brainstorming new ways to open the admissions essay with an engaging anecdote in the present tense. The opening line of the personal statement is the most important since it makes the first impression. Even business school essays need to have a creative flourish at the start to capture the reader right away. Hint: One trick is to start the essay in the middle of the story so that the mystery and present tense entice us to keep reading.

After we finished our edits, she wrote, “Thank you!! I really really appreciated our work together and I couldn’t have done this without your dedicated help! " So I asked her to write something about working together and this is what she sent over:

”Yelena was absolutely amazing when she helped me with my transfer essay. She was very thorough in editing every draft, and very patient during the entire process. I appreciated her reaching out to talk to me on the phone when we had multiple drafts going on and things weren't going as effectively as they could be. I felt valued because she was very open to hearing about my perspective, why I made my edits, and what I felt was essential to the essay. Her editing elevated the style of my essay a lot. Overall, it was a pleasure working with Yelena. I will recommend her to anyone in need of her service!” —Angel, accepted to NYU Stern as an internal transfer