Testimonial Tuesday: Accepted to Williams College
/Octavio was another pro bono success story whose personal essay about growing up biracial was brave, compelling, and inspiring. He took a risk writing about his difficult childhood, but it paid off when we learn how that early experience shaped him into who he is now: a multicultural, trilingual, bright, and empathetic leader.
We focused on cutting cliches for a concise and easy read, sticking to grammatically correct tenses and working on transitions for a smooth flow. We also made sure he showed his growth arc by dedicating more space to his leadership achievements and asking the right follow-up questions to bring his story to life. And like all of my students, we focused on creating the most impactful opening and closing lines—those are the most important impressions to leave with the admissions officers.
"Yelena helped illuminate my strengths on my personal statement, breaking my habit of cutting myself short. She used her excellent intuition to select compelling scenes, asking questions that allowed me to elaborate on my defining moments. She also helped cut my repetitions, maximizing the use of space on the very limiting word count.
"I'm extremely grateful for Yelena's help for she is one of the reasons why I'm able to have the opportunity to attend a top liberal arts school on the opposite of side of the country from where I live." -Octavio, accepted to Williams College, Middlebury College, UC San Diego, UC Irvine & Connecticut College
Over the years, I’ve read and edited hundreds of college application essays. I’ve seen the good and bad (and very bad). Discover how to avoid the Common App essay's most common mistakes.
1) Using Bloated Thesaurus Speak
Most students think a higher vocabulary (read: thesaurus) will make their essay sound better. That instinct may work for your more formal academic essays, but it’s wrong in the case of the personal statement: the essay should sound how you speak, not a formal academic letter. "Thenceforward" and “heretofore,” for example, seem way too formal and almost sound funny in this personal context. Would you ever use those words in real life? Didn’t think so.