Testimonial Tuesday: Accepted to Yale University
/When SR came to me, it was clear she was a great writer but her topic was doing her no favors. The draft veered from idea to idea without focusing on a specific story or topic that will leave an impression. Additionally, the current draft focused too much on her family history instead of who she is today. Finally, the draft needed a more creative approach, like starting with an opening anecdote to draw the reader in or trying a narrative outline where you weave from present-tense storytelling to past-tense reflection. The original first two paragraphs were too rooted in the philosophical and have the effect of feeling generic rather than personal. At the end, we weren’t left with a clear picture of her that stood out from the crowd.
For her new topic, she shared 7 other drafts as potential options. We ended up saving a few for her supplements and for the Common App, we combined her passion for her competitive group sport and her multiethnic heritage for a story that felt more unique to her. Her sport family ended up helping her embrace her roots so it was a natural connection. We workshopped her opening line to be more compelling and edited the draft into shorter, more easily comprehensible paragraphs. To get to a deeper self-reflection, I provided journaling questions that she answered via pen and paper (this really makes a difference, trust me). She spent that last few revisions workshopping the language before we did a final edit for word count.
A month and four revisions later, SR wrote me "I just wanted to let you know I got into Yale last night! Thank you so much for all you’ve done for me, you are amazing!” I'm so excited to share her results and testimonial below!
“I reached out to Yelena just a few weeks before my early application was due, and she was an absolute pleasure to work with. She was always eager to help, and her lightning fast responses made scheduling meetings a breeze. Yelena’s ability to help turn a collection of ideas into a coherent, powerful story without losing authenticity is very impressive, and she provided me with tools I will continue to use throughout my life. The passion Yelena has for what she does is awe-inspiring, and I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to work with her!”
-SR, accepted to Yale University Early Action
Over the years, I’ve read and edited hundreds of college application essays. I’ve seen the good and bad (and very bad). Discover how to avoid the Common App essay's most common mistakes.
1) Using Bloated Thesaurus Speak
Most students think a higher vocabulary (read: thesaurus) will make their essay sound better. That instinct may work for your more formal academic essays, but it’s wrong in the case of the personal statement: the essay should sound how you speak, not a formal academic letter. "Thenceforward" and “heretofore,” for example, seem way too formal and almost sound funny in this personal context. Would you ever use those words in real life? Didn’t think so.