11 College Admissions Essays That Worked—And Why
/TOPIC 1: Redefining Masculinity While Growing Up With Two Moms
SUCCESS RATE: Accepted to all 10 schools he applied to, including Cornell University, Dartmouth College, Yale University, Princeton University, and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
WHY IT WORKED: Colleges want to see 1) exceptional students who overcome adversity because it shows strength and 2) students who are not afraid to challenge societal norms, because that takes risk. This essay manages to do both.
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Over the years, I’ve read and edited hundreds of college application essays. I’ve seen the good and bad (and very bad). Discover how to avoid the Common App essay's most common mistakes.
1) Using Bloated Thesaurus Speak
Most students think a higher vocabulary (read: thesaurus) will make their essay sound better. That instinct may work for your more formal academic essays, but it’s wrong in the case of the personal statement: the essay should sound how you speak, not a formal academic letter. "Thenceforward" and “heretofore,” for example, seem way too formal and almost sound funny in this personal context. Would you ever use those words in real life? Didn’t think so.